The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
