I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
