I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
