So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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