"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
