my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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