How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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