Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
