haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
