I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
