Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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