the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
