she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there was a trapeze. enough said
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
