I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
