i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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