I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
