Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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