Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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