It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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