if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
