he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
