Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
