we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
