I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
