Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
