Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
