The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
