i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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