your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
