hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
