we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
