I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
