Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
