New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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