I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
