The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you had me at cake vodka
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
