new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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