i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
