Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
did i just pee glitter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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