i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
