Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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