I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
