I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
