I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
