I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
