I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
