Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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