i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
