I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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