Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
